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 my poetry

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Charmy the Bee
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:10 am

It's a mockery. Can't you learn from your past mistakes?

Read some poems. Sceinics and I have posted a few of them.

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camcam9999
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:45 pm

its supposed to be funny
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GoldenHedgehog360
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:47 am

That's....I dunno. I really have no clue.
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camcam9999
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:33 pm

My Love

she is the books we both enjoy
she is understanding when no one else does
she is never making fun pf others
she is messing around with one of my best freinds
she is laughter all the time
she is never giving up
she is talking and walking
she is honest all the time
she is my love
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GoldenHedgehog360
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 26, 2010 5:43 am

You're still going on about this?

Meh. Better than the others. And fix the typo.
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Hemlock
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 26, 2010 7:12 am

I have to say it is a piece of crap. Edit more. My 5 yr old cousin can do better than that.
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SuperLightning
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:02 am

camcam9999 wrote:
My Love

she is the books we both enjoy
she is understanding when no one else does
she is never making fun pf others
she is messing around with one of my best freinds
she is laughter all the time
she is never giving up
she is talking and walking
she is honest all the time
she is my love

The Grammar and spelling is outright terrible. I can't even be nice to you on that issue.

And its too...outright and to the point. Poems use a lot of metaphors and stuff. similes.
and I see some of these are metephors, but Some are just too informative. its a poem! feel free to play with words.

I know I can't write a poem but I think I could do better than this. I will take in mind that you are still 11 though.

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Charmy the Bee
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:09 am

camcam9999 wrote:
My Love

she is the books we both enjoy
she is understanding when no one else does
she is never making fun pf others
she is messing around with one of my best freinds
she is laughter all the time
she is never giving up
she is talking and walking
she is honest all the time
she is my love


I don't find you capable of poetry, or any literature writing to be honest. Try something different.

This is horrible. I told you stop using " U. " as " You. " I just find you now an annoyance to poetry. It's sad too. Try something else to express your feelings. Draw a picture, dance- anything but writing. I can not imagine your school work essays at school.

This is- what- the 5th poem? And you still don't figure insight of help? Whatever suits your boat.

2/5.

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sykog
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:38 am

No one else found this amusing?

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PikaScein
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:39 pm

He STILL hasn't given up Glace. >.>
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