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camcam9999
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PostSubject: my poetry    Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:52 am

ive made 1 poem so far here it is


love is like hate they both can bring u closer or farther apart they can make friendships or tear them apart love is like hat because they can both bring out anger and happiness this is the reson love is like hate
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Charmy the Bee
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:55 am



Work on spelling. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NEVER PUT " U " AS YOU IN POETRY.

Edit the stanzas. Unless it's a couplet, it's not a poem. The message is cliche' and you execute it very badly. Capitalize your beginning and punctuate your end. I can't really consider this a poem regardless. It's more like a quote than a couplet/ or a poem.

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PikaScein
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:56 am

Erm...

1) It needs proper grammar

2) It needs proper poetry lines. I understand it's freeverse, but this is quite improper.


Besides that, make your new poems longer, and you could be a great poet.
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Nova X
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:00 am

Agreed with the above
Right now its rather messy but with work I think its not half bad
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Razor
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:50 am

roses are red, violets are blue...
that poem needs work, and so do you!


either way i gues love is hate.... scratch
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Thu Aug 19, 2010 11:59 am

Didn't even bother reading because of the crappy grammar.
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Fri Aug 20, 2010 1:50 am

Try adding periods.

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Joe
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:27 am

Try acting like your brain is remotely competent and post with proper grammar.

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PikaScein
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:40 am

I actually agree with Joe, Cam. :/
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camcam9999
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:21 am

heres my autio-bio-poem

cameron
slightly dishonest unusaul sensitive
son of devlin and shannon
who needs glace, the cold of winter, and humor
who feels love when around glace, wise when in deep conversation, depressed when
heartbroken
who fears ebarrasment, heartbreak, and death
ragland










Last edited by camcam9999 on Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
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GoldenHedgehog360
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:24 am

Erm, emo much?

Just kidding. It's not bad, but I still don't understand the poem fully. (It's not because of the grammar)
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Charmy the Bee
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:27 am



That's more of a poem.

But it's still bad.

Capitalized! Grammar!

Please work on it more cause I still don't get it. Is it a profile about you? I don't know. Work on stanzas and stability.

4/10


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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:37 am

I cant take you seriously with that avatar charmy >.> it made me shreik the 1st time I saw it and im a 15 yr old boy....


um, this one is more like a poem but this is a writting piece. make it perfect when writing it, proof read it,

Better than your 1st poem. It was bad.

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camcam9999
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:50 am

my alliteration
cat chasing dog
an awesome al
mega meat eater
eatingly awesome
rred dog named clifford
oxen herder
never say never
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GoldenHedgehog360
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:36 pm

Okay, that made absolutely no sense.
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PikaScein
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 6:27 pm

camcam9999 wrote:
heres my autio-bio-poem

cameron
slightly dishonest unusaul sensitive
son of devlin and shannon
who needs taylor irwin, the cold of winter, and humor
who feels love when around taylor, wise when in deep conversation, depressed when
heartbroken
who fears ebarrasment, heartbreak, and death
ragland


You're learning the same thing we are. We already did biopoem, though.

Anyways, is it smart to say Glace's real name on the internet? Your Glace's stalkerrrrrrrr
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camcam9999
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:48 pm

my alliteration was supposed to make no sense
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Razor
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:04 am

good but needs gramm.....what they said. im not an expert on poetry.
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 2:27 am

Spelling is terrible.

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angry
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:29 am

I didn't understand any of these.
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camcam9999
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:33 am

.


Last edited by camcam9999 on Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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angry
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:21 am

That's not a poem.
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camcam9999
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:25 am

its not finished
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PikaScein
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:26 am

So? You can't just throw anything together and call it a poem.
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angry
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PostSubject: Re: my poetry    Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:32 am

Regardless of weather it's done or not, that's not a poem. It can't be made into a poem.
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my poetry
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